


even if he wanted to

by theywereborntolovenothide



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: I can't change, I wrote this when I had just joined the fandom so bear with me, harrys the cupcake but today he protects, louis is finally breaking, same love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-16 20:47:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/866438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theywereborntolovenothide/pseuds/theywereborntolovenothide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the media blows up, rumors pierce louis and hurt his heart, and when louis can't take it anymore, harry is suddenly there to make sure that the boy he loves--for who he is-- isn't going to break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	even if he wanted to

Words. All those words sprawling across the brightly lit screen of the laptop, so evil and hurting Lou in such a way that Harry just wants to rip them out and destroy them until there is nothing left to do Louis harm. He's so angry right now, he's shaking and gritting his teeth, but he's also sad, almost crying in rage because right now Louis is curled into himself on the duvet and sobbing because of those words. Those cruel, horrific words.

There have been rumours before, and each time they are hurtful, because they all say "Louis Tomlinson gay?!" as though it were a crime to be who you are, but this time it is different. Floods of hate, floods of homophobic tweets and articles and comments and videos, so many words and so hateful that finally Louis can't keep that classic sassy grin on anymore. Because he has to break sometime, and right now he hates who he is, wishes he were straight and..... normal. Normal, a normal boy, not some "gay freak" who they constantly write article after article about, questioning his sexuality.

Why can't they accept him for who he is?

Harry hates when Lou's like this, he feels so helpless and scared, almost, like the tabloids could change Lou's mind about loving Harry, like they'll take away the Lou Harry knows, somehow, and replace him with the boy they want to see, a boy who's straight and typical and everything Louis isn't. Harry wants to take the real Lou in his arms and keep the boy he loves safe from those words forever. And suddenly Louis is in Harry's arms.

The boy is shaking, chest shuddering with sobs, warm and wet against Harry's torso as they cling to each other. Somehow Harry's crying too, but he hardly notices because now their tears are mixing, salty and warm and all Harry can really focus on is Lou, the smaller boy who's trying to shudder out the words.

"I-- I... I hate myself."

Long fingers grip Lou's shoulders so tightly there might be marks, but Louis doesn't pull away, he only presses closer, and Harry's grip doesn't loosen. A sob is muffled against Harry's shirt, and then his chin is tilted up, forced to look into Harry's moist green eyes.

"Don't ever say that again." A single tear slips out of the corner of his eye, hovering on his eyelashes and then sliding down his cheek, but he doesn't wipe it away. He pulls Lou into him again, almost roughly, speaking into Lou's messy, silky hair as he fights down sobs. "You're beautiful, you're perfect, don't EVER say that again."

Lou's fingers are digging so deeply into Harry's back and he can't stand the thought of letting go.

And Harry is still speaking.

"Please, Lou, don't listen to them. They want you to be straight, yeah, but how is straight any better than gay? Love is love and people are people, Lou. You were born this way and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and you're PERFECT, just the way you are. Louis..." He pauses, choking on the lump in his throat that has seemed to suddenly grow, suffocating him, and he looks down into Lou's wet, sparkling deep blue eyes.

"Louis."

A whimper slips from the smaller boy's mouth. "But they.. the fans said..."

"No!" Harry's face is buried in Lou's neck, eyes squeezed shut against the salty wet skin, clutching Louis so tight neither of them can breathe, but what good is air anyway when it's coming from a hateful world?

Harry doesn't need oxygen to survive; he only needs Lou.

And he can't let Louis break.

Suddenly his hand is reaching for his iPod, tapping different things and then pressing play. And music fills the room.

Lou is startled, looking into Harry's eyes almost questioningly, but Harry makes no sound, only sets the iPod to the side and holds Lou tight. And then Macklemore is speaking to them, saying the words that Harry wants Lou to hear, to know, but that he can't find in himself to speak.

"When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay. 'Cause I could draw, my uncle was and I kept my room straight. I told my mom tears rushing down my face..."

Gay. Louis gasps at the word, fingers tightening around Harry's. His shoulders shake with sobs, and he's closing his eyes so, so tightly against Harry's chest, but he's listening.

"And I can't change, even if I tried. Even if I wanted to..." ...and suddenly Louis understands. He knows that he is worth no less than a straight boy, he knows that the words are wrong, he knows that he is perfect, and he knows that he doesn't want to change. He looks up, his gaze shifting to Harry's face, only to find that the green-eyed boy has been staring at him all along.

They speak at the same time, saying each others' names, and it would have been cheesy if it hadn't been real.

"Harry."

"Louis."

A tear is rolling down Harry's cheek, spilling onto his lips, and this time Lou does wipe it away. His fingers are sort against the dark pink of Harry's mouth, and then Harry's speaking against Louis' hand, soft voice weaving in with the music. 

"Louis... they're no better than you. They can say anything they want, they can try to hurt you, but you will win in the end, because they are wrong and you are right. Please, Lou..." His voice is quiet, pleading. "Don't let them take away who you are."

Another sob racks Louis' chest and he burrows into Harry, clutching at his shirt, and then Macklemore's voice is echoing through Louis' mind, tangling in his thoughts and calming him, somehow.

America the brave, still fears what we don't know.

"Louis, I love you."

Harry's voice cracks and Louis pulls him down, face crushed, warm, against his neck, and the I love yous are pouring so fast and so mangled but so true over their lips and for what seems like an eternity they stay locked in an embrace, buried in each other.

Somehow the song ends and the room is silent, warm with tears, and neither of them lets go. The sobs still shake their bodies, tears still slipping down the cheeks, but they are more of relief than of pain. Harry hiccups, clutching Louis to him, and suddenly Louis is whispering into Harry's ear. Harry nods, gently wiping a tear from Lou's cheekbone, green eyes full of wonder.

 

The next day Harry's wrist holds a new tattoo, and the tabloids hold their own stories. But Louis sees the inked words for what they are, and his own arm holds the lyric quotations. His lips press to Harry's wrist and he smiles as the world struggles to discover what it means.

Warm under Lou's lips, the dark ink speaks loud and clear and states the truth, states what Harry has wanted to say for so long.

I CAN'T CHANGE.


End file.
